Letters of the church of burgertimeBeing the MAD RAMBLINGS SOMEWHAT RELATED to the church of burgertime, of SHEKKYTHE BASTARD, ST. IGNATIUS PARISH, SAN FRANCISCO
 will you be able to navigate your way though the End Times?
where will you find the nourishment for the body and soul one will need to maintain a strong mind and spirit during the Final Battle for the Domination of Mankind between God and the Black Army of Satan?
let me tell you where i found Eternal Peace with Myself, good friends--i found it in a slab of fresh beef, right out of the meat cooler at the Arguello Supermarket. yes indeed, i pan fried this sirloin steak,carrots, onions and red bell peppers, all cooked together with olive oil, tangerine juice and lemon pepper.
you will not need to consume such an extravagant meal to join forces with God Almighty--indeed, a simple burger topped with nothing but american cheese and lettuce will allow you to commune with jesus and all twelve of his beloved followers. you see, fresh red beef will cause your body to be filled with a cosmic energy that will allow one to run in to the streets, with his or her arms raised high, with the fists filled with twenty dollar bills, bellowing the name of Baby Jesus. oh yes, my friends, i am preaching a message of Inner Peace through beef and hard, cold cash. Beef and Baby Jesus will raise your spirits high, which in turn will give you the strength to deal with the Trials and Tribulations which shall surely accompany the Last Battle for World Domination between God and the Ragged, Stinking Army of Satan. Beef and Baby Jesus (not to mention lots of currency) will act as your courage while you confront the Rising Forces of Evil and each of the horrible monsters described in the Book of Revelations.
Beef and Baby Jesus are going to cause you to act as the Mouth of God during these Final Days--which will allow you to convince untold millions of sinners roaming the streets like hordes or vermin to repent and deliver up their souls to the Holy Ghost.
Beef and Baby Jesus will allow you to fly through the heavens above like a soaring seagull--but you must bow before God and admit to Him that you are a sinner--and place all of your trust in him. only then will you realize the full potential of your relationship with Beef and Baby Jesus.
you will be permitted to live through the Final Conflict, but only if you own up to the fact that you have committed dreadful, horrible atrocities against God and Nature in your life--and agree before the eyes of God to ingest as much beef as you can eat every hour of every day. God loves those who kill and eat the moaning creatures he placed upon this earth, and besides, something must be done with them all before the earth is converted into a bubbling lake of fire. Beef and Baby Jesus will be the Only Answer in the uncertain days ahead.
i am almost certain that each of you will make the right decision
His Shekkyness, the bastard Mike Brown. April 2002 |
The Churches and Letters
