Letters of the church of burgertimeBeing MORE MAD RAMBLINGS SOMEWHAT RELATED to the church of burgertime, of SHEKKYTHE BASTARD, ST. IGNATIUS PARISH, SAN FRANCISCO
In my last sermon, in which we discussed the virtues of Beef and Baby Jesus, i briefly touched upon the subject of cash--aka currency, money, moolah, bucks--you get the idea. giving up huge wads of precious cash money to Baby Jesus goes a long way towards maintaining the foundations of our Pillar of World-Wide Faith--Beef, Baby Jesus and the Gold Standard. without your continuous cash donations, the Ministry cannot spread a message of conformist complacency throughout God's Green Earth. without Cash for Christ, the Ministry cannot fund the activities of like minded zealots everywhere who would bring the message of Beef and Baby Jesus to every ear in every home, everywhere--regardless of the listener's theories on evolution, dietary habits, or sexual orientation. unless you raise your cash-filled fists high in the air for Christ Almighty, countless millions of Infidels and Disbelievers cannot be imprisoned and/or killed for daring to speak out against the Proven truth of Beef and Baby Jesus. unless these filthy, non-breeding heathens are kept at bay by courageous, right thinking warriors like you wielding Cash for Christ as your sword, our children will grow up in a world inhabited by Hedonistic Unbelievers and Tree Hugging Pagans who think nothing of fornication with their sisters, brothers and mothers. Cash for Christ, combined with Beef and Baby Jesus will bring you and your loved ones a feeling of security unheard of in these modern times. the Book of Beef teaches us that we must surround ourselves with as many material possessions we can collect during our times on this earth as living creatures in order to please Baby Jesus. the People of God must live in unprecedented comfort if we are going to join forces and use Cash for Christ as a mighty weapon to defeat Satan and his evil minions hiding like vermin in the forests and deserts of this world. as you must bow low before God and confess that you are a Loathsome, Filthy Sinner and promise to faithfully consume Beef in the Name of Jesus, you must offer up Cash for Christ to spread the word of Beef and Baby Jesus and control the minds of the millions of disbelievers who are to willful or ignorant to hear the truth. these are the words of god in my Heart and Hands, and i know that each syllable of every word is the Truth.
Amen.
His Shekkyness, the bastard Mike Brown. April 2002 |
The Churches and Letters
